The other day, I received a question from Tiffany regarding sharing expenses with her significant other. Here is what she asked:
“I graduated from college about a year and a half ago. I got my degree in engineering, so my income is pretty substantial. I don’t have any consumer debt or a mortgage, but I have a ton of student loan debt…about $95K.
My boyfriend and I have been in a cross-country relationship since we graduated, but are planning on moving to the same city in a few months once we get jobs there. He doesn’t have any consumer debt either, only a small amount of student loan debt. He has offered to pay more of our expenses when we live together since I have so much debt (we make about the same salaries).
I guess my question is…is that fair? Should I take him up on this offer or should I insist to split 50/50? I really don’t want my stupidity to become his burden.”
In Tiffany’s email, she said that her boyfriend would like to pay more of the household expenses so she can pay more towards her student loan debt. This is a huge offering by her boyfriend and it should be looked at carefully as I suggested to her in my email response outlined below:
“I think my response to your question boils down to how comfortable you are with accepting the help. If your significant other is able and willing to help, I see no problem with it. I do not think that it is selfish, etc. for you to want to pay off your student loans faster.
The only problem that I can see stemming from a situation like this is possible resentment from the other party. I have seen situations like yours where one individual contributes more to the pot while the other spends recklessly, etc. The other partner then feels like they are being taken advantage of. However, based on your email I get the sense that you are very good with spending, credit cards, etc. If that is the case, I just do not see it being that much of an issue.
In conclusion, if you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this individual (sorry if that scares you), I say go for it. However, if you are having doubts about the length of the relationship, etc. you may want to demand the 50/50. You do not want to get several years into this plan and then feel like you need to reimburse him.”
Now, Tiffany’s question is fairly specific but it got me thinking about all of the other non-married couples (or roommates, etc) out there.
For your individual expenses (student loans, cell phone, credit cards, etc.) I recommend paying those yourself unless you have an awesome significant other like Tiffany above. With the joint bills (mortgage/rent, utilities, cable, etc.) you will need to determine a fair and equitable way of handling them. This will entail sitting down and discussing some of the following options with your significant other.
Split 50/50
One of the simplest ways to split bills is evenly. All you have to do is look at the bill amount and divide by 2 (or more if you have multiple roommates).
Once you have the amounts figured out, nominate someone to handle the bill paying process. I recommend opening a joint checking account to handle all of the joint bills. As you are paid, send your portion of the bills to this joint checking account. When it’s time for the bills to be paid, the money will be readily available.
If you are unable to get a joint checking account (i.e. roommates), you may want to nominate certain individuals to pay certain bills and then just have the others reimburse as needed. I do not recommend having someone pay all of the bills because you may find out that your roommates are bad at paying back their fair share. 
Income Based
Another method is to split the bills based on income. Start by taking the gross (before tax) yearly income of both parties and add them together. Then take the larger income of the two and divide it by the total combined amount. This will then give you the percentage that individual will contribute to the joint bills. Subtract 100 from that percentage and you will have the percentage for the other individual. Let’s look at an example:
Joe and Jan are living together. Joe makes $45,000 per year as a school teacher. Jan makes $65,000 as a principal. Together they bring home $110,000. The next step to take is to divide Jan’s $65,000 by the combined income of $110,000. This equals about 59%. In this scenario, Jan would pay for 59% of each bill and Joe would pay the remaining 41%.
Personally, I think this is one of the fairest ways to split bills. By doing it this way, one person can not accuse the other of having extra funds to play around with at the end of the month. Based on your income, you are paying your fair share.
Grab Bag Method
Based on my experience, I believe that this one is the most popular. However, I think it is the most ineffective.
This method entails just picking certain joint expenses and saying “I got it!”. So, one person might be in charge of paying only the rent while the other picks up the remaining expenses. Sometimes you may not even pay close to the same amount as the other person.
I feel that this method is ineffective due to the fact that you do not have a hand in every expense. In other words, you may not even know what they other person is paying for and how those expenses are generated. You are not doing yourself a favor because if the relationship ends, you may not be as prepared to handle all of the expenses (or how to be effective in reducing them during a budget crunch).
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The previously mentioned methods are just a handful of the options out there. These just happened to be some of the more popular ones. You and your significant other will need to find something that works for both of you and is agreed upon.
I would not recommend combining all accounts and sharing all expenses unless you are married (or thoroughly committed to each other). This is due to the fact that some relationships just do not end well.
How do you and your significant other handle expenses? Are you using one of the methods above or have you made your own hybrid method? Please share in the comments!
I would accept the help if my financial struggle was really a big burden. Otherwise I would split normal living expenses half way and let him pay for dates and entertainment. I don’t want the money to ever become a source of argument in the relationship so my bf could start saving what he offered to pay for me and if we get married he can put that towards my debt as finances will be joined. But a nasty breakup would leave him bitter and I am way too independent to accept a monthly handout if we both make the same amount.
I think the grab bad is ineffective and rife for trouble! Have seen this in action mostly in shared houses where flatmates pay different bills. I make quite a bit more than my fiance at the moment so shoulder the majority of expenses. This has been true for a few years now, though for a while when I was studying he paid the bulk of outgoings when he outearned me. Unfortunately he got laid off shortly before I finished uni and hasn’t made anything like his previous income since.
All of these solutions sound reasonable. I’m wondering if I’m crazy. My boyfriend has lived with me for the last 8 months. During that time he has not paid any rent. Granted when he first got here it was a “trial”. Obviously, 8 months adds to more than a trial. He also was making little more than minimum wage and has had 400 dollars a month in expenses to keep his place, which he still has He now has a decent job and a larger income than mine (last 3 months +). Since he’s been here I’ve paid all expenses related to our living including items to help him look for and or to keep a job.
In addition. He’s worked from our home since he’s been here. Everyone else has had to adjust their s schedules and lives around his work.
Additionally my son moved out so that my boyfriend could have his room as an office
Here’s my question: now that he’s able, is there anything wrong with me wanting him to contribute to the expenses of living here?
He says there is because its my mortgage. I asked for 500 a month us half of the groceries. Monthly expenses that include mortgage but are not personal are 2000.
He says he’ll pay the phone and gas and electric. The phone etc are company paid expenses which I have paid for since he’s been here The gas and electric are 150 a month which is double what it was before he got here
He says he won’t pay more that paying gas and electric is a gift since I’d have the same expenses if he want here
Am I crazy to think he should contribute at least the 500 regardless of where it goes or am I crazy to have let this go on for so long
My first thought, why keep the other apartment when he is living with you full-time? It appears that those funds could be directed towards your shared living expenses. Either he is committed to you or not. Getting rid of the other apartment would be a good start.
I would definitely ask him to share in the expenses. His excuse about it being your mortgage is just crazy. That does not matter. In all actuality, it’s just the same if he were renting a room from a friend that had one available. Would he tell his friend that he was not going to pay because he would pay it regardless? I don’t think so.
You’re not crazy. I’d calmly talk to him about your current living situation and how it seems more fair to share in the household expenses. Even though you are romantic, it’s just like having a roommate. That roommate should share in the expenses.
I have a situation where I agreed to my bf moving into my house in October 2008. He did not earn consistently, being a painter with a business partner. I pay for all utility expenses most of the groceries, plus auto fuel and cell phone. And do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, plus work a 5 day work week. Up until recently, I have expressed that he pay his way for use of the cell phone and groceries. He’s agreed to contribute paying for 1/2 of those 2 items, but does not agree with paying for anything else. He has since benefited extremely well from living here, by setting up his own in-home, on-line business, which I had initiated on-line. Plus he’s received financial assistance from me to the tune of $50K (paying off his car and bike loans, and other money) since living with me, but says the amount of repairs and innovations in and around the house with him doing the oil changes on the car, and has helped save me so much money. Also, he does not agree with paying utilities since he says it’s my house. I did not ask for any contributions for the 1st 3 years. It’s been 4 and 1/2 years since he’s lived with me in my house. He says I could give him notice, if I insist on him paying half of the utilities. Should I ask him to pay up or move out?